Alas, my worst nightmare has come true, or at least one of my pregnancy fears has come true. It's official, I am getting stretch marks, albeit very small stretch marks, but stretch marks nonetheless. When they first appeared as little purple-red dots, I thought, "Oh, my pants must have been pressing on my belly. When they didn't go away, I thought, "Oh, they are so small it isn't a big deal." But now, there is no denying it. The stretch marks are here and growing. They went from a few dots to about 8 small 1/2 inch long and 1/2 cm wide lines. I know you are probably laughing and saying to your computer, "Honey child, that is nothing!" or "Maybe they won't get any bigger!" Lies, all lies! It is a big deal and they are getting bigger!
Some background information would probably be handy, eh? For the last couple of years, I've heard from ladies (some friends, some not) comments like "I didn't get any stretch marks.", "She must not have used lotion." "She must not have been drinking enough water." "She must have gained a lot of weight." "Ugggghhhh, did you see her stretch marks?" "Ewww, her belly looks like a deflated balloon!" All of these comments have led me to be obsessive about how much lotion I use, the amount of water I drink, and the amount of weight I am gaining. I put on Palmer's cocao butter with Vitamin E and lanolin at least 3 times a day. I drink at least 2 liters of water a day, which just leads to more frequent bathroom trips. Last but not least, at week 20 I had only gained 8 pounds. So, for those of you nay sayers who thought that this was all the fault of the poor pregnant lady, I'm telling you it isn't. It's all about the genes. Thanks to my amazing genetic coding, I am prone to stretch marks. There is nothing I wouldn't try, but unfortunately nothing is going to help to prevent them. You may have convinced yourself that it was all your doing, but it is all encoded at a cellular level and there is little to nothing you did that caused or did not cause your stretch marks.
I was hoping for a miracle cream or a miracle food, but the only miracles I have seen is that they are so small at this point. I'm just waiting for the moment to wake up and my belly look like our son is trying to claw his way out! Needless to say, this has led to a less than stellar body image. I know, I know, no one can see my belly unless I want them to, but I know they are there. For the men out there, this may be equivalent to losing your hair. You can wear a hat and no one will know that you are balding, but you know you are. It's upsetting to say the least. The judgement is what I have the hardest time with. People may say they don't judge, but women really do use the whole "stretch mark issue" as a badge of awesomeness. If they don't get any during pregnancy they flaunt it as if it were their doing and anyone that got them should praise their "ability" to remain taut and smooth. Ughhhhhh, whatever!
I'm not perfect, never have been. My body has always been a point of contention for me. Pregnancy is making me realize that I must, must, must tell myself more often that my body is changing to bring a beautiful son into this world and that any small surface flaws only make me more amazing. I am putting myself through all of this, because I love children and want to share my love with our son. So, my words of wisdom for this week are? "Don't bad mouth yourself or let others influence your feelings about yourself."
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